Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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