I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
