We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
