I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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