i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
someone owes me an orgasm
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
