Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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