kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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