we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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