Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
