I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize