I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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