you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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