I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
