OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
