His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Watching her eat just hurts me
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
