ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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