Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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