my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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