he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
