hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
