At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
