I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
