Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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