i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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