Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
