I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I faked an abortion last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
