dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
