Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
