you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
