Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
