it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
