i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
