he told me I talked like a deaf person
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
