What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
