just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
This is the high leading the old right now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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