I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize