ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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