remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
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