he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
