its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
