OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
