watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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