He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
