Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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