If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
