i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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