remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
