I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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