I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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