oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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