I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Can i not drive my cunt home
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
