I am puke
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
