is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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