No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
