God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
