I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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