I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
