Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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