you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
