somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
