Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
