I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
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