she was so not down for the gang bang
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
