so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize