forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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