just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He did a backflip because drugs
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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