TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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